Now my daddy has cancer to mix along with all that we’ve been handed. It’s not the terrible cancer, it’s a bad skin cancer…not that any cancer is good but he has the skin cancer that spreads like wild fire so last week had some of it taken away and this week a large chunk and December 24th some more and …… plus we wait for more tests results. My little family is coming undo at the seams. My grandma fell and broke her back a month ago and she’s daddy’s mama and she’s so worried about him she can’t think straight. My uncle, daddy’s brother can’t stand that his little family is ungluing. My husband lost a dear friend yesterday. We lost our elderly neighbor night before yesterday. All these things take my time to deal with, help with, be with and I have a wonderful husband and son that need their time. My mama, WOW!!! She’s amazing but becoming a bit bitter after losing her daughter, watching her husband fall apart, her mom-in-law unglue ……. so on. So in all of this I am suppose to be part of this wonderful challenge that Deb and I have set up for each other. We challenge each other each week to something or carry on something from the week before. With her full life she still manages to lose weight, watch those calories, track the foods, walk 1-3 miles a day and work 12 hours a day. I can’t manage to track for a full day, I haven’t been out for a walk/jog/hike for a month, I haven’t made up a menu, bought anything that would resemble something decent. UGH!!!! HELP ME PLEASE! I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to turn, I don’t want to keep feeling this way but I can’t seem to do it right. The scale is telling me I’m maintaining at my scream weight and that’s bad.
I did do something right, on Thanksgiving we went out for dinner with my in-laws and I ate only the things that were good for me. Nothing sweet, nothing loaded with carbs, nothing that would make me hate myself. As for the rest of the time, well I am watching what I’m eating. I am eating only one serving of something and measuring if questionable. I am thinking I need a menu that is the same day in and day out. Leave nothing to chance, nothing to question. We have been remolding Mike’s old bedroom and I have done more squats and stretches than I have in a long time and that makes me know I need to do something more. My legs have grown weaker and getting my hinny up from the floor or a squat hasn’t been as easy as it use to be.
I am the worlds worse partner for Deb. She needs someone that can support her, do what she’s doing and share the results they’ve both earned. She has been awesome, she supports me in all my life needs. I asked for prayers today because of daddy and the driving conditions we had today and she jumped in and did that. She’s so patient with me. She has to know something about me that I’m missing. Right now I see a mess, someone lost, someone that can’t get her crap together because of life. I see someone up to her eyeballs in family and sickness but one who knows very well I can’t keep taking care of them if I don’t take care of me.
I’m complaining and I’m sorry. I’m full of excuses and really should be full of know how. I will get this together, I will figure out the me thing. I know I can.
So there is Thursday and Friday left of this weeks challenges. I’m going to take tomorrow …. the one day at a time thing …. and plan a meal plan and track it. I’m going to do 2 30 second planks and 2 sets of 25 squats. That’s all. It’s a new start. Friday will be rinse and repeat.
YEAH for friends, YEAH! for support, YEAH! for another day to keep trying. Take care my friends. And blessings to you all because even though there are life’s issues, there’s life and that’s what really matter.